Category Archives: Personal growth

Opportunities abound

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Tuesday, Feb 26, 2013

The day started with a 5:30 a.m. walk in reasonably warm, fresh L.A. sunshine. Then I participated in a 7 a.m. conference call to review a proforma with two contacts from a franchise that I am considering investing in with a friend and former work colleague. I’m loving the concept; just need to figure out if the return on investment is worth the hours I know will be involved. It’s an exciting opportunity that I could get passionate about, and I need to balance that excitement with objective consideration of how this fits with the lifestyle I want.

Shortly after 8 a.m., I joined my sweetheart (SH) for a day of brainstorming and mutual support with about 75 members in the mastermind group. It’s a diverse group, in every way – age, ethnicity, career paths, geographic locations, business concepts, maturity of business cycles, etc. Very, very cool to give and get ideas for business challenges and ideas. It’s fun and rewarding to share this experience with SH; we complement each other as business partners, as well as life partners!

We enjoyed dinner and an “in-kind” exchange with “the world’s leading authority on personality feng shui.” I provided copy editing for her new brochure, and she provided personality and environmental feng shui insights to us.

How cool is that?!

Love, Tomboy Tam

The adventure continues

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Monday, Feb 25, 2013

After packing in a full Monday of TRK Communications consulting work for my current client, I began a week of adventure when I boarded a Southwest flight about 4:30 p.m. to Los Angeles to attend a James Malinchak mastermind meeting.  My sweetheart (SH) and I joined this group after attending Malinchak’s bootcamp back in December, where we were inspired with many marketing and business building ideas.

I love Southwest Airlines! The didn’t charge me for making a change to my departure date, the flight loads quickly, the staff is super friendly and fun, and they departed and arrived on time!

My connection in Denver was uneventful, in spite of the heavy snow they had there yesterday. SH left early this morning, and had a slight delay here before arriving in L.A. to take the amazing 103 year old Uncle Walter to lunch.

I met up with SH at the Westin near the L.A. airport about 9 p.m. Looking forward to a day and a half of exciting business building work before we launch the road trip segment of this week’s adventure!

What new beginnings are exciting you these days?

Love, Tomboy Tam

Day 5 and final of Leg 2, 2012-2013 Winter Motorcycle Adventure

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January 21, 2013: Back to the real world today, where I work to live (not live to work), which makes fun and adventure possible.  It is also where I connect with my family and friends to share joy, sorrow, hopes and fears. And with whom I give and receive support through life’s challenges and accomplishments. Little did I know, as I was brushing my teeth this morning, that I would also be sharing sorrow and support with a complete stranger today.

We were chatting with the La Quinta shuttle driver on the way to the El Paso airport at 7 a.m. today, when she suddenly blurted that her nephew was in an accident on New Years Eve that resulted in his death. She went on to share a fair amount of detail about his accident, death and subsequent arrangements. As we pulled up to the airport, I offered her my condolences and quietly shared with her that my 17-year old nephew had also been killed in an accident on New Year’s Eve. I expressed our kindred pain.

As she helped me take my bag out of the back of the van, she hugged me and told me that she would be attending to cremation details later today, in support of her sister — as I was in North Dakota for a week prior to our motorcycle adventure, in support of my brother. She wished God’s blessing on me and my family, and I reciprocated.

What are the chances that in a La Quinta van in El Paso, TX, I would be confronted with sorrow that so closely mirrors that of my own family? I’ve been processing this encounter all day: Why I was connected in such an intimate way with a stranger this morning? What lesson was I supposed to learn from it? What did this experience mean for me?

I called my oldest daughter tonight to tell her I had returned home safely, and catch up with recent events in her life. I told her about the conversation with the shuttle driver, and my questions. With the wisdom that often startles a mother, when coming from her child (even a well-into-adulthood child), my daughter said, “Maybe the reason was because she needed you, not that you were meant to get something from her.” Wow. I am a humble learner on this journey.

So, my Sweetheart (SH) and I boarded American Airlines’ 9:00 a.m. flight from El Paso to Dallas. There, we connected with the 12:45 flight to Minneapolis to continue our reentry into the real world. Grateful for five wonderful days exploring geography, relationships, spiritual connectedness and the meaning of life — the Zen of Motorcycle Adventuring with SH.

Somehow the 15 degrees below zero wind chill in Minneapolis didn’t seem so bad, in light of the warmth of my youngest daughter’s greetings when she picked us up at the light rail station to save us from a five block walk home. Furthermore, loss, love and sunlight can bring a lot of perspective to a mere temperature reading.

Later this week, I’ll share the full (high-level) 2012-2013 Motorcycle Adventure itinerary AND some tips and gear feedback for those of you planning your own adventures.

Glad to be home.

Love, Tomboy Tam

Day 4, Leg 2, 2012-2013 Winter Motorcycle Adventure

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January 20, 2013: Bonus day! My Sweetheart (SH), motorcycle adventure planner extraordinaire, built a day into the schedule for unexpected delays and to check in to the storage unit where our bikes will rest for 39 days until we begin the next leg of our adventure. The office of the storage place was only open from 11 a.m. – 2:00 p.m., so exploring the region on our bikes was not a good option for making the most of the day.  Our adventures are never thwarted by mere logistics, which we demonstrated by renting a car.

We had a great breakfast at Denny’s, next door to our La Quinta. Then we caught the motel shuttle to the El Paso airport to pick up a Ford Fusion from Thrifty at 8:00 a.m. under sunny skies and 46 degrees. I am grateful for the great suggestions for “must do” activities on our play day in the area from my brother and sister-in-law, who lived in El Paso 23 years ago.

From the airport we drove the Trans Mountain Road, which dissects the mountain that divides east and west El Paso. On our way to take a picture of the house my brother and his young family lived in “back in the day,” we stopped at The Bagel Shop on Resler Road for my beloved latte and some blogging time in this pleasant, inviting environment.  After snapping the photos and sending to my brother for nostalgia’s sake, we headed back to the motel to get our bikes tucked away into storage.

That task finished, we pointed the Ford in the direction – I thought – of White Sands, one of my brother’s recommendations. When I Googled White Sands, the first thing that came up was White Sands Missile Base, including directions and a little bit of background, so I thought we were headed for a history lesson. After reaching the gates, we found that we mere civilians were not welcome to go further. As a security measure, I’m sure, there is no bypass road to cut through to the highway that would take us to White Sands National Monument, which was the intended recommendation!

The “wrong” trip to White Sands Missile Base was actually pretty interesting. So we weren’t overly bummed about a long re-route, which took us through Los Cruces, NM, where we stopped at a gas station to grab coffee and a snack.

On Hwy 70 East, traffic was funneled through a customs / homeland security checkpoint through which we were filmed with multiple video cameras and ultimately had to stop for a brief encounter with an officer who glanced in the car and wished us a good day. I have to tell you, it was a little creepy — I wondered what is next in the evolution of government oversight of its own citizens. I know I’m flirting with a very complex topic with many passionate points of view. I only mention it to encourage myself and each of you to consider increasing our awareness of what is occurring in the name of security to make sure We the People, whom the government exists to serve, are informed as we make decisions about the individuals and institutions we hire for that service.

We were racing the sun at this point, but for some reason, it was really important to me that we see White Sands. After arriving there, I understood the reason. In the middle of nowhere, the White Sands emerge like a brilliant diamond from the surrounding mountains and relatively plain desert landscape, a mystical place full of ancient and contemporary spirits. The temperature dropped several degrees in the area. In the 4:30 p.m. twilight, the sun played with the pure white sand dunes and the mountain shadows to create a magical mood that moved me to tears. I was grateful to be sharing the experience with SH, yet there was something very personally powerful this place offered me. I’ll be processing this for some time.

I snapped pictures until I killed the battery of my little Nikon, wishing I had my Canon D50, but knowing that neither will capture the profundity of the experience. That will be for my heart to hold.

We chose to return to El Paso through Alamagordo, NM, an 88 mile route. The area is frying pan flat, surrounded by mountain ranges. The range to the west, which we completely circled in our travels today, looked like the backs of a line of slumbering dinosaurs, backlit by the fire of the setting sun. There was a lot of very poor housing in this stretch of highway, and actually is pretty consistent with the economic condition we observed in much of New Mexico. It appears to be a hard place to make a living.

On the outskirts of El Paso, we stopped for dinner at The Great American Land & Cattle Company. I had one of the best rib-eye steaks I’ve ever eaten, and SH was equally impressed with his burger. The “cowboy caviar” (baked beans) and coleslaw were also notably good. Great atmosphere and a manager who knew how to work the crowd – thank you Yelp! I’ll be adding my 5-star review there later.

After returning the Ford to Thrifty and catching the shuttle back to Room 148, we prepped for a 7 a.m. shuttle back to the airport to complete this leg of an awesome adventure.

Love, Tomboy Tam

Day3 , Leg 2, 2012-2013 Winter Motorcycle Adventure

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January 19, 2013: Great to wake up this morning when my body told me it was ready to,   at 7 a.m. At that time, it was 21 degrees in Lordsburg, NM, which meant a leisurely morning waiting for the thermometer to rise to a point where it would be safe and comfortable to ride the motorcycles to our next destination — El Paso, TX.

We had breakfast in our hotel and enjoyed visiting with the Brownings, from my home state of ND. They are Bismarck residents who are spending a few weeks in Arizona. Then we chatted with a man from Arkansas who was in the area to get medical treatment for his wife. Talking with people from around the country is one of my favorite aspects of our adventures!

When the mercury hit 40 degrees and the clock showed 10:30 a.m Mountain Time, we were packed up and on the road – I-10 East to be exact. The sun was warm on our backs and we had prepared for these temps by packing and wearing layers that could be peeled off as the temp rose throughout the day.

Halfway between Lordsburg and Deming, NM, we crossed the Continental Divide at an elevation of about 4,500 feet. The desert has lots more native vegetation than Northwest Arizona, which we traveled on Leg 1 back in November, but the sand is still very unstable. We saw many highway signs warning us that zero visibility was possible due to high winds and blowing sand. Fortunately, the winds were light and the weather was friendly to these adventurers!

We stopped in Deming to top off the gas tanks and eat lunch at La Fonda, which the gas station attendant recommended. I love Mexican food, and my Sweetheart (SH) is usually agreeable to eat anywhere he can get a decent salad, so I was happy to follow up on that recommendation. The lunch buffet looked and smelled de-lish, but unfortunately they put flour in all their sauces, so the pickin’s were pretty slim for this gluten-free girl.

Although disappointed by a pretty plain lunch, we were delighted by a couple places in downtown Deming on Gold Avenue. The main business street that we rode into and through town had a lot of shuttered businesses, but downtown appeared to have a number of cute shops. I enjoyed my latte and SH his mocha (our “usuals” when we can find them!) in a Christian bookstore called The Wayfinder. After catching up with the world, thanks to The Wayfinder’s free WiFi, we stopped into a little boutique down the street on the way back to our bikes. I found my souvenir of the trip – a beautiful black wrap. But apparently the real reason we were drawn to the shop was the deeply touching conversation we had with the young woman shopkeeper – all about blessings and gratitude.

We avoid freeways on our adventures whenever possible, so we continued the day’s journey on NM Hwy 11, south of Deming, before turning east on NM Hwy 9, which would take us the remaining distance to El Paso. There is some agruculture in this area, including some kind of orchards – I’m going to research what types of trees they were – perhaps nuts?

We took a little side trip a few miles further south to take a peek at the United States / Mexico border. It was interesting and a little unnerving to see all the border patrol measures and activity. That whole area, all the way to El Paso, was crawling with border patrol SUVs, a blimp monitoring the area, radar stations in the middle of the desert terrain, etc.

We reached the El Paso city limits about 4 p.m., a little surprised at how large the urban area is, including the more industrial Juarez, Mexico, across the river. I’ve never liked city freeway driving on my motorcycle, and it’s even less enjoyable when I’m in unfamiliar territory.  However, I am proud of the fact that I’m now a competent biker in these conditions, after only three years of riding. I’m happy to have grown beyond “terrified” when riding in heavy freeway traffic!

We found our La Quinta near the airport without mishap – again very grateful,for our excellent helmet communicators! After locking up and covering the bikes, we rested, showered, and then took the hotel staff’s recommendation and their shuttle service to Carlos & Mickey’s Fine Mexican Dining. I loved this place! Live music, high energy, great people watching and fabulous food! I  enjoyed a margarita and SH a Corona as we chatted with two Army guys who are here attending the Academy while we waited for a table.  My chili-stuffed, bacon-wrapped jumbo shrimp were delectable and SH didn’t leave a crumb on his plate, so I’m assuming he was equally satisfied with his Steak Rancheros.

In all, a wonderful day of sights, sounds and sun! Tomorrow we will be El Paso tourists.

Hasta la vista!  Love, Tomboy Tam

Around the world in . . . as long as it takes

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At a court hearing on Friday, November 9, 2012, I legally changed my name to the one I originally inherited from my father. It had been 36 years, two marriages and two divorces since I’ve had that name. Two questions have been asked of me, related to my name change:

Tomboy Tam in court

Tomboy Tam awaits the judge who will approve her petition for name change.

Why now?

I started thinking about returning to my original name as a new sense of self-identity emerged in the years during and following my second divorce, six years ago. My journey of self-discovery included exploring who I am aside from being a wife, mother, daughter, sister and employee. I assumed some of those roles without much conscious examination of how to perform the roles in the context of me, the individual. For most of my life, I defined “me” by who I was to other people and what they expected of me.

Today, I select and create my relationships and roles based on how well they complement who I am today and how they will grow with me as I continue to evolve. So the short answer is – I want my name to reflect the independently strong, self-centered individual I am today. (Why has the term “self-centered” come to have a negative connotation?!) From a self-centered place, I can receive and give love, friendship and value with integrity and joy.

Have I come full circle?

Someone recently used the term “full circle” to describe my return to my maiden name. However, just as Phileas Fogg returned to London a changed man after the high adventure and life experience of traveling Around the World in Eighty Days, I am not the same person with the same dreams, perceptions and expectations as I was 36 years ago. Thank goodness – because I don’t want to star in my own rendition of the film Groundhog Day!

Changing my name is a symbolic and tangible acknowledgement of who I am today – the result of my own thoughts, intentions and purpose, and all the people and experiences that have helped me evolve to this point. I am grateful for each and every one of them, as each is a thread in the beautiful fabric of my being: soft and strong; adventurous and thoughtful; resilient and vulnerable; resourceful and humble; enterprising and inviting; generously giving and abundantly receiving.

Food for thought:

  • What movie or book title best describes your journey to a positively self-centered way of being? 
  • Have you acknowledged life journey milestones with symbolic or tangible ceremonies or acts? 

Have a great day!

Love, Tomboy Tam

Dear employer: it’s time for your performance review!

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It’s a good time for me to make a list of the things I want to receive from my employer or client. I am developing new communications consulting clients and simultaneously exploring a few select “permanent” employment opportunities. Such a list will help my new manager or client and me evaluate whether we are a good fit for each other. Here is my first draft.

What I want to receive from my employer and manager

Reward me with generous, competitive compensation that reflect the type, level and complexity of the work I do and the value I add. Even if the economic environment has impacted your compensation curve, be creative and involve me in negotiation to arrive at a compensation structure that meets both our needs.

Support my career development. Give me increasingly higher visibility projects and more responsibility. Suggest “extra-curricular” activities inside or outside the company that will help me develop. Support my professional association involvement and education. Keep your eyes open for possible advancement opportunities for me elsewhere in the company. Give me formal and informal feedback frequently – no surprises at annual review time! Ask my internal and external customers for input on my performance. Offer me earned raises, promotions and titles before I ask for them.

Walk the talk of trust and integrity. The company’s vision and values establish high standards for ethical behavior, business practices and respect for team members. Company leaders and managers walk the company talk. Believe that I will represent you and our group with integrity. Allow me to work without micromanagement. Give me the credit I deserve for my work, even when I’m not in the room. Recognize me formally and informally for small and large accomplishments.

Offer and expect flexibility – trust me to manage my time and deliverables honestly. Don’t require rigid start and stop times or hours. Support me working from home or other remote location when the job can be accomplished successfully from there.

Respect my personal time. In other words, don’t send me email messages at night and on weekends, as it establishes a culture of never disconnecting from work. Or at least don’t expect me to answer your messages at those times. Support me in taking all the paid time off that I’ve earned. Manage our workload such that work weeks that are more than 40-45 hours are the exception, not the rule.

Nurture a friendly, healthy, FUN culture by caring about my needs, at work and to some extent, my personal life. Communicate as early and as much as you can about company and leadership strategies and changes. Make an effort to ask me how my kids are doing, how I spent my vacation and what sports teams I cheer for. Encourage me to take a lunch break, work out and eat well by setting the model for that behavior. Connect me with my teammates and partners within and outside our group. Lead a little bit of goofing off and laughter to relieve stress, reset perspectives and improve productivity.

In my past experience, interview time or evaluation time is primarily about my skills, experience, scope of responsibilities and how well I performed them. Through my personal growth, I’ve learned that to be a truly outstanding employee, I have to be a happy one. And to be happy, I need my career to support my lifestyle, not the opposite.

  • What is (or will be) on your list of what you want to receive from your employer?
  • Can you see yourself talking to your manager or an interviewer about your list? Why or why not?
  • Do you think I’m crazy to have such a list, when so many people are still desperate for a job – any job? 

Thanks for your feedback!

Love, Tomboy Tam

Day 5, and finale of leg 1, 2012-2013 winter motorcycle adventure

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We were awake and on the hotel shuttle well before sunrise this morning to catch Delta’s 7 a.m. flight back to the Twin Cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul. Good-bye 90 degrees, hello . . . oh! Sunny and 50 degrees was a kind transition back to the real world! Thank you, Mother Nature!

Sorry to have left 90 degrees back in Arizona

My sweetheart (SH) was off and running to work and I sat down at my computer to check flights for the next leg of our winter motorcycle adventure in a couple of months. The plan is that every 6 to 8 weeks throughout the winter we will fly to the city where our bikes are stored and ride over a long weekend to another warm city, gradually bringing the bikes back to Minnesota by the end of April or early May, weather being the key determining factor to the timeline and route. I am SO excited to explore some more beautiful new (to me!) territory in this great country!

I want to take a moment to express my gratitude for my partner in adventure and life. SH and I partner so well on the planning and the execution of our adventures. We collaborate on ideas for where, when and how to travel; he does most of the route planning and hotel booking, I usually book the flights, if they are part of the itinerary. We get feedback from each other before making final arrangements.

We are also very compatible travel companions; we’ve often traveled up to 10 days together, 24/7, with barely a sharp word between us.  I really think the principles in my October 17 post, One must be great before Two can be better, provide the basis for our easygoing interaction with each other. And we have both “been around the block” a few times, and have sincerely and authentically applied our learnings to our personal growth and to our selection of a partner. AND, quite frankly, we are past the point in life when we let so many stressors impact our relationship – kids, finances, career demands, competing values, interests and ideas. I think we both gave up the overpowering need to be RIGHT a long time ago, too! Even though life can be crazy, and we still have stressors (granted, being awake with a teething baby all night is not one of them!) we make time with each other a priority.

Another great adventure! Here, I’m with one of my sisters in the Bahamas a couple of years ago.

I am also grateful for the other great travel companions in my life — I’ve had really fun times with sisters, brothers and girlfriends. I’m entertaining a few ideas for adventures with them in the coming year as well. In fact, I’m thinking of creating some Tomboy Sisterhood adventure travel events for like-minded women!

  • Do you have any great travel companions? If so, where have you gone and what have you done on those trips? 
  • What hasn’t worked well, when traveling with them?
  • Where would you like to go in the future with a girlfriend or group of friends? 

I’m off to dream about fun and adventure! You?

Love, Tomboy Tam

Day 4, leg 1, 2012-2013 winter motorcycle adventure

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One of the really cool things about riding a motorcycle on the back roads of America is seeing the awesome landscapes of this beautiful country. Another cool thing is that the flow of my thoughts are often as much of a rush as the wind on my face! One of those thoughts today was about why I enjoy riding. Learning to ride and continuing to develop my riding skills keeps me pushing against the edges of my comfort zone.

The benefits of expanding my comfort zone related to motorcycling shows up in other areas of my life. The confidence, excitement and competencies I’ve gained spill over to my career, relationships and other activities I attempt and ultimately master. Even the set-backs are learning experiences that help me grow. I like being a little bit of a pioneer, carving out my unique personality, accomplishments and contribution to this world. My grandmother and Georgia O’Keeffe are just two of the many women who I admire for their modeling of the “can-do, even if many others wouldn’t attempt this” attitude I aspire to.

My sweetheart (SH) and I started today with a quick breakfast at the hotel in Lake Havasu City, before rolling down the highway in bright sunshine and crisp air at 59 degrees. We stopped in for coffee at the Early Bird Cafe in Parker, AZ. The landscape in this area is other-worldly, with very sharp mountains (hence the nearby city named Needles, CA) and desolate desert flat land leading right up to the peaks. The region has it’s own lonely sort of beauty, but I can’t imagine living in one of the sun-bleached trailers that are so common along the highway, with nothing but brown sand and a few cactus breaking the monotony of the geography.

We had lunch at the Gold Nugget in Wickenburg, AZ, which is a cute, busy town with lots of restaurants and shops. Couldn’t resist having a mocha for dessert at the Bedoian’s Bakery & Bistro while we checked emails and reviewed the map for the final stretch of our journey. The landscape in this area has a little more vegetation and even some farmland, including an orchard we saw along the highway.

We hit Phoenix / Tempe about 2:30, dropped off our bags at the Best Western and headed over to Public Storage where SH had arranged for storage of our bikes until Leg 2 of our winter adventure. Our route today included: 95 South to 72 East to 60 East and 74 East, which were all secondary highways before hitting freeways for the last several miles –  17 South, then East on I-10. Lots of sun and the temp broke 90 degrees again today.

Back to Minnesota tomorrow!

Love, Tomboy Tam

Day 1, leg 1 of our winter 2012-2013 Motorcycle Adventure

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Exactly two years ago this month I passed the exam on a Suzuki 250 to get my first-ever motorcycle license at the age of 52. I had ridden with my sweetheart (SH) on his bike for 2 years, and before that I can remember being on a motorcycle only once before in my life. Although I do remember riding my uncle’s “mini bike” a few times when I was a kid. I bought a 1989 Yamaha Virago 750 and rode about it about 2,000 miles last summer.

Today, I rode my Honda ST1300 on the LA freeway (OMG!) to begin what will be a multi-leg winter motorcycle adventure. I’ve ridden this bike, which I bought earlier this year, about 6,000 miles so far this summer. I NEVER dreamed I would take on THIS new interest and live the adventures SH and I have enjoyed the past few years. Yet, here I am – loving it!

We shipped our two motorcycles to Los Angeles on a division of Allied Van Lines a couple weeks ago. Today we flew to Ontario, CA, via Denver, on United Airlines. Once in Ontario, we took the Supershuttle to the warehouse where the bikes were waiting for us. We mounted up and headed to Torrance, CA, on the 91 Freeway. After a quick lunch at Panera, we stopped in to visit SH’s Uncle Walter. We plan to attend this witty, delightful 103-year-old’s birthday party tomorrow. But first, we’ll drive Walter’s car to LA to have coffee and enjoy a visit with the daughter (who is a senior at USC) of dear friends in the Twin Cities (Minnesota).

Tune in again tomorrow for Day 2, Leg 1 report, and some details about where we go from here!  I’d love to hear from you!

  • What are the grandest adventures you have enjoyed?
  • What do you dream of doing?

Have a great weekend!

Love, Tomboy Tam